Dear friend that left my life in 2017, good bye. I've wasted enough energy thinking about it all and wondering just how our friendship twisted into the silent nothingness that it is now. I've spent enough time being blamed, angry and hurt, disappointed and confused. I'm tired of missing pictures, and thrown away moments, I'm over wondering what everyone we know thinks about it. You made your choice, it had nothing to do with me. And though I miss you dearly, the damage is done and it will never be the same regardless of what is said now. Know with absolute certainty that I wish you well, and I hope one day you are healthy and happy and that your soul is fulfilled. I treasure so much of what was us and understand many lessons I learned along the way. I can't be part of any more of your journey - and that is my decision - not my fault.
Relationships are hard work. Every single one of them. And I want to clarify. Love is NOT hard. Love is easy. Loving is easy. Being loved is easy. It does not hurt or twist. Love does not need effort. Love is easy. Relationships are not love - love is a facet. So is patience, and compromise, and sacrifice, and hurt and struggle, and laughter and tears. Truth, growing, communication, assumption and lack there of - all facets. Effort - that is the working tool of relationships, and I like to think it's fueled by love. Remember this in your relationships - your friendships, your family, your partners, the people in your life every single day. Fuel your effort with love. Feed the relationships that are good for you, and leave behind the ones that no longer bring you joy.
I will be forty two years old this year. I plan to be amazing, and my intention is to just become more spectacular as I age. To hell with eye cream, cutsie hair cuts that promise to be "easier" than they ever are, weighing the perfect amount, or worrying about who is running when I am not. Yeah, I buy my clothes in a size that isn't a six. And? I look great in them! My feet are a size nine (ish) and no, I don't need high heels that make my feet hurt five days a week. If you're lucky, once or twice a year, for about two hours, you might catch me in a pair, but don't go holding your breath for that glimpse. No, this isn't my proclamation of being the next granola eating, razorless Yetti of Walmart. I just mean to say that I'm going to be me -whatever size that happens to be that day, whatever outfit, hair in a bun or blown out long, cargo pants or jeans, sandals or boots, dashiki or moo moo. The point is, social media sucks at letting us be ourselves. We have to be stronger than what's expected of us - the bar, is in fact, way too low as I see it.
Gratitude is a fleeting trait. So is appreciation. Complacency and entitlement seems to be replacing them. Please do your part to prevent this and remember how much of your life could be different.
I am lucky to share my life with some pretty amazing people. Thank you for what you share with me.
This year ahead is full of potential. It will be filled with changes and growth. There will be learning and newness. I am so excited! This year, there will be struggles - because nothing good comes easy. There will be challenges and rewards. There will be accomplishment. There will be fear, and uneasiness, there will be uncomfortable longing. There will be hellos and goodbyes. And there will be an abundance of moving forward. I am praying for gentle grace in it all.
I can't wait, and I can't wait to tell you all about it.
Thanks for still being here.
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